I made Father God my father when I was thirteen. Most of my friends know this story: My own father was unfortunately emotionally and psychologically unable to fulfil the role of being a dad, so when I was thirteen years old (and during a harrowing succession of events one evening where his rage and attempted suicide collided), I lay in my bed with my music up and a pillow over my ears, crying out to my Heavenly Father. I said something to the effect of, “Father God, I make You my true Father this very minute. Right now. I need a dad. My earthly dad isn’t emotionally or psychologically able to be a dad to me—he’s too unstable. It’s Your turn now. Would You be my Father?” There was much more to this actual moment and story, but I have already written about it in a book I wrote a few years back, and right now I’m headed to a different progression of thoughts…
When I asked Father God to fill the position of Father in my life, He did. I have not once felt as though I’ve been outside of His love. Psalm 139 talks about us not being able to flee from His presence and that His right hand guides us and holds us fast. It’s so very true. He really does.
So that being said, a few years ago I had begun to spend more and more time with my Heavenly Father. And just as an aside—I have never seen His face, but I have felt His presence with me constantly. His holiness and light are always around me. I cannot express how much I love my Heavenly Father and words cannot ever do Him justice. But getting back to my original train of thought for this paragraph: as I said, I had begun to spend more and more time with my Heavenly Dad several years ago—more time than normal—and things in my life had begun to normalise again. I had growing clarity and understanding, and my sleeping hours had become especially active (that’s also another story for another time).
One particular evening, I had fallen asleep kind of early, but was awoken just before midnight by two voices talking on either side of my bed in a language I didn’t understand. They were deep, strong, melodic voices and as they talked, I could feel love and holiness (I can’t explain what holiness feels like, only that I didn’t know whether I should stay still, sit up, or even dare to put my feet on the ground) moving from whichever dimensions they were stood in, and in through to my room.
I dared to open my eyes and standing on either side of my bed were two MASSIVE angelic-like beings with six wings who had flames coming up from their chests and out of their mouths as they spoke. I got the word ‘Seraphim’ in my spirit but had no real clue as to what Seraphim should look like or what they actually did. I rubbed my eyes because I thought I was seeing things, but nope, when I opened them again, they were still there.
Guys, the presence they carried was like every single ‘good’ childhood Christmas wrapped up into love and holiness. The love I felt coming from them that night was TANGIBLE. Like a hug that wouldn’t quit, only with no arms around me and with my spirit fully engaged. Yup, I mean TANGIBLE—I can feel it again now as I write. It brought tears to my eyes back then and it does again now. i felt my spirit being tugged at in the best way: I felt my Father’s heart all around me.
The angelic beings said something else in their language and then finished with, “is this her?” “Yes, this is her,” said the second one. Then just like that, they were gone.
I had no clue as to what the whole encounter had been about, but after I phoned mum (who was still at a friend’s house watching a movie) to tell her what had happened, I looked up what these beings could have been, and i found the following information on Christianity.com:
“The prophet Isaiah tells us that the seraphim are six-winged “fiery” angels who surround God as He sits upon His exalted throne and who worship God continually (Isaiah 6). The seraphim also minister to the Lord and serve as His agents of purification, as demonstrated by their cleansing of Isaiah’s sins before he began his prophetic ministry…. The word “seraphim” is the plural form of the Hebrew root word “saraph,” which means, “to burn.”
So what effect did this encounter have on me and what effect does it still have on me? Well, apart from not knowing the true underlying purpose for the encounter, to this day when I think about the Holiness and the love of my Father God, the moment I allow my spirit to reconnect back into that encounter, I get teary. I FEEL that Holiness and love all over again and I want to defend it.
In that place—in that Holy place—it was just the seraphim, my Father God, and me. No one else. Nothing else. Just pure, unadulterated relationship. In fact, I was listening to Kari Jobe sing ‘Holy Ground’ this morning, and the first part of the song describes pretty accurately what I felt in those moments:
Let it burn for you
Consume all I do
Come and purify my heart, O God…
All I long to see
See the depths of me
I never wanna leave this place, O God
I will defend this holy ground
Nothing familiar to be found
In Your presence
Clean hands, pure heart
I will be set apart for You
I will defend this holy ground.”
There is no encounter that could ever take the place of my Heavenly Father. Nothing. I am His and He is mine and His banner over me is love. If anything tries to get in the way of this relationship—this purity of heart connection—I will defend it because my Heavenly Father is worth so, so much to me.
His intentions are always loving, always pure, always holy, and I love how He loves me. I love how He loves you. I love how He pursues us even when we try to put religious practices, obstacles, or emotions in the way. He is love and holiness. He is life. He is joy and peace. He is freedom.
To watch Kari Kobe’s song, you can catch it at the following address: https://youtu.be/M8qgVuceKQE
Photo by Nikki Zalewski